A terrible blogger.

I'm sad to say that I feel I have become a terrible blogger. I know I really ought to be more active on here, but truth be told I have been busy working on my first full length manuscript which I am hoping will be out for sale sometime in the beginning of the New year.

I have also been compiling a book of my poems, which will be released on kindle very soon. Some of which can be seen on here, but soon you will be able to own your very own copy, should you so desire. As soon as this book is available I will let you know.

I've been learning so much about my writing over the last six months; spending time with my characters, getting to know their strong points as well as their weaknesses. I have to admit this manuscript has taken me by storm. I am really enjoying writing it and developing the world that my characters interact in. I have more material than I ever dreamed I would and as a result there will be a series of books to follow the first one.

Lilia is my main inspiration for this first book. Her voice was strong from the beginning and I just had to get her down on paper. Her family have now become very active forces in my imagination, planting their supernatural butts firmly on comfy seats and whispering their stories to me. I have to say they don't always speak individually, I often hear them nattering away all at once and I can't get it all down fast enough.

I have found the hardest thing while writing is making sure I keep the momentum going the next day. I often spend hours writing happily away only to get up the next morning, (or rather afternoon, since I tend to work through the night), and find myself doing other things rather than parking my bum down in my seat and writing. It’s not that I don’t want to write, on the contrary, I just lack the discipline. It’s often hard to motivate myself to work when I don’t have a boss hanging over me to tell me they need my work done now, now, now......

But I am learning. I feel that the more I practice the easier the self discipline comes. I know that as soon as I sit down to write I will enjoy it, I just need to start, and that is always the hardest part. Once I begin I can hear my characters vying for my attention. Don’t get me wrong it’s not all wondrous and delightful; I have my days where I am ready to give up. But I am lucky to have a wonderful support team behind me in the form of my partner, practically hubby, and my parents. So now it just falls down to me to keep on writing and get my first book out there.

Until then, here's a sneak peak of the cover for my collection of poems due out on Kindle very soon.

The background image used on the front cover of this ebook is an edited version ofsupermoon by Barbara Eckstein, available under a Creative CommonsAttribution license - (CC BY 2.0).

Rain

The rain chases away my thoughts.

As I watch the world close its eyes,

Deep in sleep they dream,

But sweet slumber avoids me tonight.

These streets hold many memories,

Their lasting legacy of sadness, happiness and youth filled dreams,

Crash around my head.

They lose their radiance a little, the more I walk them,

But brilliant vivid the memories remain.

Amiable rain, teach me how to walk amongst these dreams again.

Show me where the shadows lie so I can avoid the folly.

Let me reach the road that leads home.

So that I can see the warm glow of family from the window,

It’s warm orange light behind the closed curtains, deep beyond the nights reach.

With the rain falling on my pretty dress,

I stand outside, a silhouette in moonlight watching my mother’s shadow.

The path with its pink bright flowers leading the way to the door.

That world I know no more.

Let me be her again,

That little girl who knew so little,

Yet understood so much.

Let her teach me the things I forgot.

Sweet fragrance of the night time world.

Its secrets hold so many wonders.

Deep in sleep they weave their dreams.

And in slumber deep I see the world within.

The embrace of Nightfall.

The sparkling lights gathered rainbows around her head.
Stars echoed in the night sky above.
Her face awash with shadows,
Her chest full of leaps and tumbles, as nightfall stands before her.
His tall frame and light eyes watching her expressions.
She had never seen such splendour, not even in the twinkling lights of winter.
His movement slow, yet steady;
Tentatively he unfolds a velvet wing, awash with bright stars.
Her soft hands clasped now in his, as he guides her with his celestial wings,
Pulling her into the moonlit shadows to meet his caresses.
The night surrounds her now, like a dream.
His wings folding around her, washing away all loneliness.
He pulls her close letting the warmth of the moon fill her heart.

All too soon the sun begins to rise,
And the moon starts to fade from her heart.
The night's shade begins to dim as the glimpse of the first rays appear,
Washing away his deep dark purple shadows.
His grip grows weaker and his warmth dissolves from her reach.
He whispers softly as the first rays stretch golden, amber light across the sky.
His voice slowly fading.
A faint murmur of promise on the breeze to meet again at twilight.

Is it just gore that makes a horror story scary?

 

I've just finished watching 'The Walking Dead' season 3 and I am very pleased with myself that I have managed to sleep soundly. It would appear that Zombies don't scare me the same, or at least as much as they used too. But in my quest to face my fears in order to be able to delve deeper into the world of horror, in the hope that I will become a better writer in that genre, I find myself wondering what scares me the most, the gore or the psychological factor? Don't get me wrong I still hide behind my pillow at the really gross bits, but that's not so much out of fear its more to keep my dinner down. Every time I go to eat something meaty the picture of rotting zombie guts flying everywhere comes into my mind. Yes my imagination works on me in vast and wonderful ways, but I wish it would leave me be when I am eating.

 

That aside, what I have realised while facing my fear of zombies, is that it's not just the gore that gets me but the psychological factor, the fear that you could become a flesh eating emotionless zombie. But when you have a way out when hope is there sitting just over the horizon then you don't fear it the same. When everyone bands together to help each other then you feel that little bit more secure and the psychological fear drains away enough to let you slumber without nightmares. But what if the people you think you can count on leave you stranded in that dark forest alone with no back up and a hundred of your worst fears are running towards you in all directions? Then your security is taken away from you. Then you feel the dark cold touch of hopelessness reach out for your soul. So in this situation do you surrender? Do you give up and let the horde take you down into the depths of despair? Well that all depends on your character, whether you are a fighter or not. But then again no matter how strong you are mentally you might not be strong enough to fight off the horde baring down on you. So it all falls down to the what if's. What if I can't make it alone, what if I'm not strong enough to fight them off, what if I don't have the skill to fight them off or to survive? You get the picture. So it's here that the gore stops and the psychological scares begin.

 

The character is all alone in the dark house and every sound is audible and enhanced. They can't get any sleep because they have no one to watch their back and as a result they start to live in their own head. They are sleep deprived, alone, sacred and now they are starting to imagine things. But are those things real or not. They don't know because they have no one there to clarify it for them. My point is that the fear factor is not just about gore, but the fear of the unknown, the fear that what you are about to face may be faced alone and no one else will understand or help you. It's the roller coaster ride of, what will happen next....

 

But I wonder if you could create a really scary story without the gore or at least the minimal amount? Are we so used to seeing blood and guts in our movies that without them it's just not horror? Or would the psychological factor be enough to scare you?

 

I guess it all depends on our level of fear and what we have become immune too. But lets face it, it's not only the gore that stays with us when the lights go out and we are trying to sleep. It's also the psychological elements of the book or movie that force their way back up to the surface and haunt your dreams. It's the cold touch of fear that plays out over and over in your mind, the parts that your brain can't process. It's the fear of the unknown, and the idea that those things could be real or could really happen to you. You have been taken out of your comfort zone and you can't find the way back in the dark recesses of your mind. But what gets us out of our comfort zone is not only the fear of the unknown or being left alone, its the thought of all those horrible nasty things happening to us. And you need the gore to portray those events. So it could be said that the gore is the door in, and from then on it's the psychological roller coaster that determines the scare factor of the movie or book.

 

So I guess you could say that both gore and the psychological factor feed off of each others darkness in order to bring out the horror. It would appear that they need each other in order to produce the scares we look for. So in the end it all comes down to a fine balance, in order to unbalance our minds and bring out our fears.

Samhain

As darkness settles all around,

I fear not the smallest sound.

For I know that from darkness will come light,

During Samhain, this spirit filled night.

I cast my eyes from shadows near,

To remember all those I hold dear.

To honor my ancestors past and present,

By remembering childhood moments spent.

Tonight the veil between the living and the dead,

Will weaken enough for the spirits to tread;

In our world.

But fear not the darker nights,

Nor goblins, ghouls, or zombies sent to fright.

For your ancestors should be honored instead.

They ought to be rejoiced not seen in dread.

So tonight I give thanks with happiness and pride.

And hope that all my loved ones are at my side.

That they find welcoming warmth and joy at my door,

And leave some in return when they enter our realm once more.

I bid you all in this last day of autumn,

A bountiful harvest to fill up your tum.

And may it last all the winter through.

Happy Samhain to you.

My Devil

Blackened dust on ashes of a new world.

Is it all gone now?

He’s out there, he knows I know him.

Cold, dark, complete.

These dreams haunt my deep sleep.

Causing questions that take my answers.

When the world swallows me whole,

He is there to hold me.

At times I feel that gaping fissure,

Right underneath my feet.

I hold on with all my willpower, but it gets harder every second.

I get lost in the moment

Then the past returns.

It’s the darkness that soothes me and takes over my soul

Creating my safe haven where I am free to explore.

Old and new mingled in the thorns of time

Wrapped up in a cloak of darkened feathers

My wings can’t take flight.

Not yet!

He calls to me, my devil.

Torturing my heart over and over again.

Lost in a deep dark dream.

Only he knows my secrets.

I’ve given myself over to you.

I reach out in my dreams

Drink deep the red bleeding.

Darkness soothes me.

Shades of a Dream.

As twilight enters my somber room, I brush away the dreams.

With one last glimpse into the gloom,

I break away the careless seams,

Of desire, forbidden fruit, once, alas my love you were near, now sealed below deep in your tomb.

I cry for you, and all at once I fear. Is it so, to be here lost alone, left all by myself with such a vast world to roam?

I cast off wonders of deep desires and recollections of flowers cast on your funeral pyre.

Memories rush into my mind, and I reach out to find, empty space.

These recollections I can no longer face.

Sweet dawn come take these moments dear.

Once happy smiles and sparkling tears;

And yet I hear you near and to my delight you appear.

So forlorn now, in anguish pale, sweet love I ask you to retreat.

Is it guilt that brings you hence?

Or am I in slumber still, so eager to have us meet.

I cannot forget you now, so pale, so lost, so near.

What wonders you bring, my dear.

 In pain and pity I retreat, half lost in dreams and mellow sleep.

It’s done for now sweet love, if indeed heaven exists and you are above.

Shattered waves crash through my mind, casting moments to and fro leaving peace behind.

Yet bitterness does taste so sweet, half lost in dreams I slumber deep.

Suddenly penetrating the gloom with half shut eyes I stare into my room.

And a myriad of stars shine bright for me, allowing me to finally see.

Not forgotten, not lost, never far no matter the cost.

Is it real? Do you stand there now glaring upon my abandoned sins?

Choosing to infiltrate this world I live in.

All melancholy and disjointed, standing there as if anointed.

Your lavish garments in disarray, your expression conveying your dismay,

But still you stand with intention, giving off an air of tension.

Words neither of us care to mention; death, ghost, apparition.

I cling to my bed sheets now in trepidation.

All this is almost too much to stand; but in earnest feeling my distrust you reach for my hand.

Now I shy away from what I feel, alas I fear you are not real.

Your touch so cold, but yet so warm.

I know now you mean me no harm.

Is it through my dreams you have come?

Or are you a pleasant side effect of delirium?

 ‘Hush now’, you say ‘with sweet dawn I rest again,

Let the birds sing loud for I’ll not hear,

There sweet song deep down here.

But when twilight comes a new I’ll raise unburdened from slumber and find you’.

Again you speak soft words to me and let me understand what you see.

And to my astonishment and wonder you are not a monster, left in this world to wander.

With hushed sighs and tears in eyes I let you go back to your slumber deep,

So that when the moon arises tonight you will awaken again from your sleep.

And I shall rush into your arms in darkness sweet, and feel again our bodies meet.

 With thoughts of love I see a new, oh how I have seen it all askew,

This strange and wondrous world of mine, how bright you shine,

It’s in this new darkness I will prevail, not lost, not scared, not dead, not failed.

I give my world one last glance, its beauty hidden in brilliance.

 Sweet twilight you have at last arrived and now I let my mortal soul arise.

I see all my love shows to me, so grand so vast, so beautiful and complete.

With my love I walk in shadows new, with destiny to see us through.

And a myriad of stars await us in the night, so wondrous and so bright.